At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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