I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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