Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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