At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
