Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
