very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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