Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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