I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
