you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
