I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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