They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
