just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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