The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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