Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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