last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
