She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
