I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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