I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize