can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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