If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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