Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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