You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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