you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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