I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?