Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.