every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?