She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?