So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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