I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
