Fuck appropriateness.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
