I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
two words...techno handjob
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
