is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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