:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
