he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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