so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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