dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
