I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
