Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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