these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
