I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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