Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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