alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
