there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
