so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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