I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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