I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
