I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
