My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
