we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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