Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
