Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
