I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
