She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
