just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
