office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This toilet bowl is my home.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
