I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
