I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
