Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
