Already got asked if we're dating
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
