so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Actions speak louder than pants.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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