i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
