dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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