Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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