goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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