Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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